It has been a busy few weeks, but somewhere in there I had the most awesome revelation. More than anything, I want to know God more and see Him intimately involved in every area of my life. He is my constant companion, but I want to be aware of His presence in an ever-deepening circle.
First of all, I must confess that even though I'm not formally involved in any studies, one of the perks of being a part of a ministry is that I am always intrinsically involved in a study of some sort. Right now, I am working through Experiencing God with our students, and that has given me some insight. And I just finished doing a Committed to Freedom Teacher Certification that also shows me different ways to be looking for God. (Diane Langberg says you won't find Jesus with the "pretty people," you'll find Him with the hurting ones.) And whenever someone preaches, I am the one who is always taking notes, looking for more depth.
A lot of this is knowing more about God, but for me it's hard to make that distinction and transition. I will sometimes spend hours and hours learning about God, but avoid sitting still long enough to meet Him face-to-face. But, I am learning a secret. To be filled with the Word is to be filled with the Spirit. God IS the Word, so as I come to know His Word, I am knowing Him.
Besides not doing any studies this year, I have limited my fiction reading to one book a month. I have always loved to escape with Ted Dekker, Bill Myers, and the like. I don't watch much TV, but I can use up a lot of time relaxing with a good book. WHICH IS NOT WRONG! But for this year, I have decided to relax (escape) in different ways. Practicing the piano, trying to paint, quilting, things like that. I am also renewing my efforts to memorize more Scripture. My psalm for this year is 25. I am only 9 verses through it, but it is being buried deep in my heart.
But back to this revelation thing. In the last week, there have been 2 or 3 times when I was doing something, and out of nowhere came a verse that was the answer to a question or situation. I'm not talking about the verses that I have memorized to help me through my "normal" temptations or questionable attitudes. This was something new and different. It wasn't that voice in my head that I recognize as the Holy Spirit that tells me to keep my mouth shut, or get that look off my face. Not at all. It was like God was talking to me through His Word in a way that I haven't known before. I can't describe it well, but I know I want more of it. I think this may be the treasure in the darkness He has promised. The Message puts Jeremiah 29:14 this way: "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed. God's decree."
In some ways I have stumbled along in the past few months, but I think I'm on the right path for me, at this point in my life. Slowly, I am finding that I want to read the Bible more than anything else. Not always, but more often than not.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Treasures in the Darkness
And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness--secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name. Is. 45:3
Ever feel like you are stumbling in the darkness? Maybe not really a darkness, but a fog? Sometimes, I do. In fact, I have felt that way a little bit lately. Oh, I know God is in control, and I know it all the way to the bottom of my feet, but sometimes it seems He doesn't want me to know "the plan". We've all got one, you know. It may be buried deep in our subconscious, but it's there. Part of my "plan" has some kind of reconnection with my family in it. No, we never had a big blowout. It's just the natural rift created by 16 years, 3 time zones, and the stuff of life. But I still feel an emptiness, and an ache.
A while back the Lord reminded me of His thoughts when He showed me Ps. 45:10-11, " Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say. Forget your people, and your family far away. For your roal husband delights in your beauty; honor Him, for he is your lord." These verses give me peace as I navigate family waters, and I'm so thankful.
But it's still foggy. Foggy or not, though, I know the answers to my heart questions can only be found in one place. So through my tears, I stumble back to the only Place where I have never been disappointed.
Looks like my treasures for March will be found in Psalms. Yesterday I read a devo online that quoted Ps. 48:14. "For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and He will guide us until we die." So this morning, I headed to Psalm 48 for the context. Well, God gave me a treasure before I even got started! This psalm was written by the descendants of Korah. Wait---isn't Korah the guy who got swallowed up by the earth because he started an uprising against Moses? Went to Numbers 16, and sure enough, that's the guy.
And yet, it was his family who said....."How great is the Lord, how deserving of praise.....O God, we meditate on your unfailing love as we worship in your Temple....As your name deserves, O God, you will be praised to the ends of the earth....For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and he will guide us until we die."
So, I am looking forward to all the treasures the Lord is going to show me in my darkness, which really isn't so dark after all.......I love You, Lord.
Ever feel like you are stumbling in the darkness? Maybe not really a darkness, but a fog? Sometimes, I do. In fact, I have felt that way a little bit lately. Oh, I know God is in control, and I know it all the way to the bottom of my feet, but sometimes it seems He doesn't want me to know "the plan". We've all got one, you know. It may be buried deep in our subconscious, but it's there. Part of my "plan" has some kind of reconnection with my family in it. No, we never had a big blowout. It's just the natural rift created by 16 years, 3 time zones, and the stuff of life. But I still feel an emptiness, and an ache.
A while back the Lord reminded me of His thoughts when He showed me Ps. 45:10-11, " Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say. Forget your people, and your family far away. For your roal husband delights in your beauty; honor Him, for he is your lord." These verses give me peace as I navigate family waters, and I'm so thankful.
But it's still foggy. Foggy or not, though, I know the answers to my heart questions can only be found in one place. So through my tears, I stumble back to the only Place where I have never been disappointed.
Looks like my treasures for March will be found in Psalms. Yesterday I read a devo online that quoted Ps. 48:14. "For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and He will guide us until we die." So this morning, I headed to Psalm 48 for the context. Well, God gave me a treasure before I even got started! This psalm was written by the descendants of Korah. Wait---isn't Korah the guy who got swallowed up by the earth because he started an uprising against Moses? Went to Numbers 16, and sure enough, that's the guy.
And yet, it was his family who said....."How great is the Lord, how deserving of praise.....O God, we meditate on your unfailing love as we worship in your Temple....As your name deserves, O God, you will be praised to the ends of the earth....For that is what God is like. He is our God forever and ever, and he will guide us until we die."
So, I am looking forward to all the treasures the Lord is going to show me in my darkness, which really isn't so dark after all.......I love You, Lord.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
The Seeking Heart
"God does not want you to become an expert at using a formula. If there was a formula to hearing from God, you would not seek Him with all your heart." That quote from Henry Blackaby, in the Experiencing God study, almost seems an inappropriate way to start this entry, because it is from a study. And yet, it cuts to the very heart of what I want to learn.
What I want are blinding flashes of insight every time I study the Word. Fresh new perspectives. I want to seek for the treasure. But not for too long. I want every day to be new and exciting, filled with new meaning.
Sometimes the most challenging part of my walk with Jesus is the dailiness of it. The very ordinariness of my tasks. This week, I found out a close family member has cancer. My computer crashed-again. Another divorce in the family. We re-listed the house in a very slow market. An aging parent breaks my heart, as her mind slips away, but her body remains strong. The normal stuff of life.
And yet, God is so good to me. He keeps pursuing me in this quest to know Him more and sit more often at His feet. As I am teaching a study on "Temptation" this week, I am overwhelmed with the privilege--and responsibility--of being a teacher. And from Proverbs, He encouraged me. Proverbs 13:17 says "An unreliable messenger stumbles into trouble, but a reliable messenger brings healing." In this verse, I heard Him say that if I don't prepare and study His Word, I will stumble into trouble. (Have I ever been caught just ad-libbing, or giving someone else's opinion?) But, if I am a reliable messenger of His Word, I can bring healing, and not confusion to our students. That's what I want to do--not just rely on what I think I know.
Then He exhorted me on how to spend my time with 15:14 "A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash." Am I allowing my mind to feed on trash, or am I pursuing the knowledge and understanding only His Word can give?
I thank Him for all He is showing me along this trail. About relationships and how important they are. About hopes and dreams. Again the Lord showed me that 60 is not too old to dream. In fact, He even put a God-sized one in my heart! I love this ride with Jesus!
What I want are blinding flashes of insight every time I study the Word. Fresh new perspectives. I want to seek for the treasure. But not for too long. I want every day to be new and exciting, filled with new meaning.
Sometimes the most challenging part of my walk with Jesus is the dailiness of it. The very ordinariness of my tasks. This week, I found out a close family member has cancer. My computer crashed-again. Another divorce in the family. We re-listed the house in a very slow market. An aging parent breaks my heart, as her mind slips away, but her body remains strong. The normal stuff of life.
And yet, God is so good to me. He keeps pursuing me in this quest to know Him more and sit more often at His feet. As I am teaching a study on "Temptation" this week, I am overwhelmed with the privilege--and responsibility--of being a teacher. And from Proverbs, He encouraged me. Proverbs 13:17 says "An unreliable messenger stumbles into trouble, but a reliable messenger brings healing." In this verse, I heard Him say that if I don't prepare and study His Word, I will stumble into trouble. (Have I ever been caught just ad-libbing, or giving someone else's opinion?) But, if I am a reliable messenger of His Word, I can bring healing, and not confusion to our students. That's what I want to do--not just rely on what I think I know.
Then He exhorted me on how to spend my time with 15:14 "A wise person is hungry for knowledge, while the fool feeds on trash." Am I allowing my mind to feed on trash, or am I pursuing the knowledge and understanding only His Word can give?
I thank Him for all He is showing me along this trail. About relationships and how important they are. About hopes and dreams. Again the Lord showed me that 60 is not too old to dream. In fact, He even put a God-sized one in my heart! I love this ride with Jesus!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Thirty+ Days
I've just finished my first month without any structure to my time with Jesus. I have resisted the urge to keep a checklist of Scripture I've read, just to make sure I have "done" something. I am even disconnecting my mental checklist, but old habits die hard!
I have found myself doing several things, and keeping them in a 3-ring folder, divided by tabs. This keeps me from looking for stuff that I have scattered over several rooms in the house (and car).
I have learned more about Paul, and seen "learning to be content" in a whole other frame of reference. I know a little more about what it means to be a friend of God. Mostly, tho, I have immersed myself more deeply in the Bible, knowing there is no way I can go wrong when I let Scripture saturate my life.
I once heard that Kathy Tricoli had a practice of basically writing Scripture back to God, personalizing and paraphrasing along the way. One day, she will have the whole Bible in her own writing, with her insights and prayers along the way. It looks like I am headed in that direction. As I read through some of my favorite books, I write out what speaks to me @ this point in my life, and that often prompts a prayer. I am re-learning the truth that I remember something so much better when I write them down.
I have decided to add another dimension to my time, tho, based on a message by T. D. Jakes called "Saul's Suicide". The basic premise is that Saul was not killed by his enemies, but by his own hand. My major enemies come from within, and they are as follows:
The challenge I have taken from this is to review on a consistent basis (weekly? bi-weekly? monthly?) which of these enemies in my life need to be dealt with. And it's not IF I've been disobedient.....or arrogant.....or rebellious....or whatever, it's WHERE these enemies have come out, and how to kill them. This should help me from getting too "spiritual" in my daily walk. Because, we're all a little delusional, aren't we?
Looking forward to Month #2! Thanks to my friends for their encouragement.
I have found myself doing several things, and keeping them in a 3-ring folder, divided by tabs. This keeps me from looking for stuff that I have scattered over several rooms in the house (and car).
I have learned more about Paul, and seen "learning to be content" in a whole other frame of reference. I know a little more about what it means to be a friend of God. Mostly, tho, I have immersed myself more deeply in the Bible, knowing there is no way I can go wrong when I let Scripture saturate my life.
I once heard that Kathy Tricoli had a practice of basically writing Scripture back to God, personalizing and paraphrasing along the way. One day, she will have the whole Bible in her own writing, with her insights and prayers along the way. It looks like I am headed in that direction. As I read through some of my favorite books, I write out what speaks to me @ this point in my life, and that often prompts a prayer. I am re-learning the truth that I remember something so much better when I write them down.
I have decided to add another dimension to my time, tho, based on a message by T. D. Jakes called "Saul's Suicide". The basic premise is that Saul was not killed by his enemies, but by his own hand. My major enemies come from within, and they are as follows:
1) Disobedience
2) Arrogance
3) Rebellion
4) Denial
5) Lack of Repentance
6) Ego
7) Murder--what we don't murder (deal with) in our own life, will kill us.
The challenge I have taken from this is to review on a consistent basis (weekly? bi-weekly? monthly?) which of these enemies in my life need to be dealt with. And it's not IF I've been disobedient.....or arrogant.....or rebellious....or whatever, it's WHERE these enemies have come out, and how to kill them. This should help me from getting too "spiritual" in my daily walk. Because, we're all a little delusional, aren't we?
Looking forward to Month #2! Thanks to my friends for their encouragement.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
The Accountability Factor
As I continue down this road of learning to interact more intimately with Jesus, I realize I have the need for accountability. I need someone that will help me to not just fall by the wayside, and go back to my old, more structured patterns.
Except for a running partner I had for 15 years, I have only had one time when others held me accountable. But it was that accountability that pushed me out of my comfort zone and enabled me to take a risk that changed my life.
When I moved to TN 7 years ago, I left a youth group at my church, and several young women that had become very dear to me. As only young people can be, they were excited for my new adventure, and wanted to be in on it. I had read about something called Women at the Well, and thought I would check it out when I got settled in. I told "my girls" about this, and they thought it would be awesome. So they would check up on me-frequently-to see what I had found out. It was actually their excitement that helped me up that long driveway to the Well, to ask if I could volunteer. Thanks to these girls, I was a regular volunteer less than three months after we moved.
My adult friends didn't offer this kind of support. They wanted to give me time to settle in--hang curtains and that sort of thing. Give me time to adjust to my new surroundings. Who knows, I might still be adjusting if it weren't for my friends, Hannah and Kristi!
I think accountability has gotten a bad rap. It's not like a hammer, beating people over the head with a Bible verse. It goes hand in hand with encouragement. It's showing compassion, but not compromise: empathy, not sympathy. To be an effective accountability partner, I need to be a great encourager. To do this, I have taken some lessons from Barnabas, the Son of Encouragement. (Check him out in the book of Acts.) Here are 5 qualities that help me become a better encourager/accountability partner.
1) People are more important than things. Barnabas sold a field and gave the money to the apostles to provide for the early church. If I put people first, harmony follows.
2) Believe in people. Barnabas believed in Paul long before anyone else did. Because Barnabas was with him, Paul was able to minister widely to believers.
3) Allow people to grow out of needing you. Don't try to make or keep people dependent on you. Although Paul needed Barnabas at first, as time progressed, Paul didn't need anyone to vouch for his character, and Barnabas accepted that.
4) Allow people to fail. Remember when Mark disappointed Paul by going home for a while? Paul and Barnabas had such a fight over that, they each went their own way. Paul went with Silas, and Barnabas left with Mark. But in several of Paul's later letters, he asks for Mark, since he was such a help and support to him. Something must have happened to Mark, and I can't help but think that Barnabas was a part of that.
5) Finally, we don't have to see the end result. Barnabas was able to see change in Mark, but I bet he would have come along side of him without that guarantee.
So, I am using this blog as a type of accountability partner. Something to help me not fall back into my old habits. And Kristi and Hannah, feel free to check up on me any time! I love you guys.
Except for a running partner I had for 15 years, I have only had one time when others held me accountable. But it was that accountability that pushed me out of my comfort zone and enabled me to take a risk that changed my life.
When I moved to TN 7 years ago, I left a youth group at my church, and several young women that had become very dear to me. As only young people can be, they were excited for my new adventure, and wanted to be in on it. I had read about something called Women at the Well, and thought I would check it out when I got settled in. I told "my girls" about this, and they thought it would be awesome. So they would check up on me-frequently-to see what I had found out. It was actually their excitement that helped me up that long driveway to the Well, to ask if I could volunteer. Thanks to these girls, I was a regular volunteer less than three months after we moved.
My adult friends didn't offer this kind of support. They wanted to give me time to settle in--hang curtains and that sort of thing. Give me time to adjust to my new surroundings. Who knows, I might still be adjusting if it weren't for my friends, Hannah and Kristi!
I think accountability has gotten a bad rap. It's not like a hammer, beating people over the head with a Bible verse. It goes hand in hand with encouragement. It's showing compassion, but not compromise: empathy, not sympathy. To be an effective accountability partner, I need to be a great encourager. To do this, I have taken some lessons from Barnabas, the Son of Encouragement. (Check him out in the book of Acts.) Here are 5 qualities that help me become a better encourager/accountability partner.
1) People are more important than things. Barnabas sold a field and gave the money to the apostles to provide for the early church. If I put people first, harmony follows.
2) Believe in people. Barnabas believed in Paul long before anyone else did. Because Barnabas was with him, Paul was able to minister widely to believers.
3) Allow people to grow out of needing you. Don't try to make or keep people dependent on you. Although Paul needed Barnabas at first, as time progressed, Paul didn't need anyone to vouch for his character, and Barnabas accepted that.
4) Allow people to fail. Remember when Mark disappointed Paul by going home for a while? Paul and Barnabas had such a fight over that, they each went their own way. Paul went with Silas, and Barnabas left with Mark. But in several of Paul's later letters, he asks for Mark, since he was such a help and support to him. Something must have happened to Mark, and I can't help but think that Barnabas was a part of that.
5) Finally, we don't have to see the end result. Barnabas was able to see change in Mark, but I bet he would have come along side of him without that guarantee.
So, I am using this blog as a type of accountability partner. Something to help me not fall back into my old habits. And Kristi and Hannah, feel free to check up on me any time! I love you guys.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
DISTURB US, LORD...
DISTURB US, LORD, when we are too well pleased with ourselves. When our dreams have come true because we have dreamed too little, when we have arrived safely because we sailed too close to the shore.
DISTURB US LORD, when with the abundance of things we possess, we have lost our thirst for the waters of life; having fallen in love with life, we have ceased to dream of eternity. And in our efforts to build a new earth, we have allowed our vision of the new Heaven to dim.
DISTURB US, LORD, to dare more boldly, to venture on wider seas, where the storms will show your mastery; when losing sight of the land, we shall find the stars.
WE ASK YOU to push back the horizons of our hopes; and to push into the future in strength, courage, hope and love.
Written by Sir Francis Drake in 1577, but so appropriate to my life!
DISTURB US LORD, when with the abundance of things we possess, we have lost our thirst for the waters of life; having fallen in love with life, we have ceased to dream of eternity. And in our efforts to build a new earth, we have allowed our vision of the new Heaven to dim.
DISTURB US, LORD, to dare more boldly, to venture on wider seas, where the storms will show your mastery; when losing sight of the land, we shall find the stars.
WE ASK YOU to push back the horizons of our hopes; and to push into the future in strength, courage, hope and love.
Written by Sir Francis Drake in 1577, but so appropriate to my life!
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Become Ruthless....
"Become ruthless in your pursuit of simplicity" is the lesson to be learned this week. I believe that my walk with Jesus integrates Him into every area of my life. Therefore, things learned and obstacles encountered in any area have the potential to teach me spiritual truths. That was the case last week.
Always running in the background of my life is the feeling that I have too much stuff, do too much stuff, and can be distracted by too many things. Periodically, I make attempts to pare down possessions, activities and distractions in general. I do okay for a while, but slowly "stuff" begins to win the battle again. Hopefully, this week becomes the benchmark, when I can look back and say I began to make real headway in my battle against "stuff".
It actually started 2 days after Christmas, when I ordered flowers over the internet for my cousin's 60th birthday in OR. (That was my first mistake, according to Stan, but I don't know any florists in Portland, so...) Well, three weeks later, after several failed attempts to deliver, numerous lies from the Customer Service Reps, hours (literally) on the phone, I finally have a confirmation of a credit back on my VISA. Sometime in the middle of this, while on one of my holds, I had a picture of people in Haiti being killed, maimed and left homeless, while I am raising my blood pressure over undelivered flowers. I was so convicted about what really matters.
Going on at the same time, I was having numerous computer glitches at work that were making it impossible to do my job. Nothing earthshaking, just frustrating. Friday was the final straw. My computer at home caught a virus. I got scammed on a repair. But what really hit me was that I spent probably 8-10 hours trying to get everything running right. Can't live without
e-mail and Facebook, you know.
I went to bed late that night, determined not to be consumed by my stuff and its maintenance. Something that I'm always tellling the girls at the Well goes like this--"If the worst thing that happens to me is that _________(fill in the blank), I've had a pretty good life" I filled in the blank with "computer crash" and decided I had made it way more important than it deserved.
During all this I just kept thinking about the people in Haiti, and feeling so petty about what I had allowed to steal my peace. If something is going to steal my peace of mind, I want it to be worth it. I want the things that trouble me to be the things that trouble God. Please, Lord, give me Your heart, and Your eyes---forever eyes.
Oh, and for my cousin's belated birthday present----money to Samaritan's Purse for Haiti Relief. She'll like that more than flowers anyway!
Always running in the background of my life is the feeling that I have too much stuff, do too much stuff, and can be distracted by too many things. Periodically, I make attempts to pare down possessions, activities and distractions in general. I do okay for a while, but slowly "stuff" begins to win the battle again. Hopefully, this week becomes the benchmark, when I can look back and say I began to make real headway in my battle against "stuff".
It actually started 2 days after Christmas, when I ordered flowers over the internet for my cousin's 60th birthday in OR. (That was my first mistake, according to Stan, but I don't know any florists in Portland, so...) Well, three weeks later, after several failed attempts to deliver, numerous lies from the Customer Service Reps, hours (literally) on the phone, I finally have a confirmation of a credit back on my VISA. Sometime in the middle of this, while on one of my holds, I had a picture of people in Haiti being killed, maimed and left homeless, while I am raising my blood pressure over undelivered flowers. I was so convicted about what really matters.
Going on at the same time, I was having numerous computer glitches at work that were making it impossible to do my job. Nothing earthshaking, just frustrating. Friday was the final straw. My computer at home caught a virus. I got scammed on a repair. But what really hit me was that I spent probably 8-10 hours trying to get everything running right. Can't live without
e-mail and Facebook, you know.
I went to bed late that night, determined not to be consumed by my stuff and its maintenance. Something that I'm always tellling the girls at the Well goes like this--"If the worst thing that happens to me is that _________(fill in the blank), I've had a pretty good life" I filled in the blank with "computer crash" and decided I had made it way more important than it deserved.
During all this I just kept thinking about the people in Haiti, and feeling so petty about what I had allowed to steal my peace. If something is going to steal my peace of mind, I want it to be worth it. I want the things that trouble me to be the things that trouble God. Please, Lord, give me Your heart, and Your eyes---forever eyes.
Oh, and for my cousin's belated birthday present----money to Samaritan's Purse for Haiti Relief. She'll like that more than flowers anyway!
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